Nichi Hodgson is a 29-old-year journalist, broadcaster, author and sex educator living in London.
She currently writes a monthly sex column for Men’s Health magazine, regularly contributes to the Guardian and the New Statesman on sex and the law, and gender politics, and broadcasts for BBC Radio 2, BBC Radio 5 Live and Sky News.
Her first book, Bound To You, a real-life memoir detailing her time as a professional dominatrix and personal submissive, is out now and published by Hodder.
We recently caught up with Nichi for a little Valentine’s Day Treat…
‘Bound to You’ is your own real-life sex memoir – what inspired you to write it?
I’d always been very drawn to writing about women’s sexual experiences, particularly given the historical context in which erotic material has been produced – mainly by men for men. I’d be thinking for a while about how to write a novel about my experiences as a dominatrix and a torturous relationship I found myself in. Meanwhile I wrote a piece for Stylist magazine about being a personal submissive. Luckily for me, my editor at Hodder read it, and I then received one of those life-changing emails – ‘would you write me a book?’ The stakes were high – I had to turn out 90,000 words in six weeks. But it was an exhilarating experience.
You are an occasional sexual submissive – could you explain what this means?
A sexual submissive is someone who relinquishes their control to a sexual dominant (also known as a top and a bottom). In the context of BDSM (bondage, domination, sado-masochism), this often relates to specific acts, ie letting the dominant restrain or spank you, or letting the dominant control when you get to orgasm and how. There are no set ‘acts’; it’s all about the sensation of being at the dominant’s whim.
Why do you think there has there been such an explosive response to the recent wave of erotica novels?
It’s a combination of factors, but mainly, I think it’s a lot to do with mainstream erotica for women being long overdue. We’ve known since the 70s from the popularity of Mills and Boon, Black Lace, and from authors such as Nancy Friday and Anne Rice that many women love reading sexually explicit material. Those writers paved the way for erotica reading but they still only reached a certain audience. Before 50 Shades, many women wouldn’t have known how to go about finding erotica. Bringing erotica into the mainstream has allowed for the boom. I think it may also partly be a response to online porn, which is very much made for men by men and viewed more regularly by men. Although plenty of women enjoy porn too, erotica seems to be better tailored to their tastes and imaginations.
Do you think erotic literature genuinely spices up people’s love lives?
I think anything that increases people’s experience of sexual pleasure and erotic imagination can enhance their love lives. Reading erotic literature can be a private indulgence, just like watching porn, and that’s perfectly fine. But erotic literature can also teach you to be a better lover by helping you to explore what turns you on. When you truly know what you want, you can share that with your lover – if you so choose.
You are currently researching a second book – can you give us a glimpse of what it will be about?
I’m exploring a few options at the moment. I’m particularly interested in a book on the concept of ‘whore’, looking at how our definition of what a whore is has changed through the ages and who still gets called a whore today. I’m also thinking about a book of sexual footnotes – the sexual experiences we have but forget about because they don’t fit our general narrative of sexuality. Then there’s a book on bisexuality (I actually define myself as omnisexual, meaning I don’t care what gender someone is or whether they identify as a gender at all.) – and lots of my readers told me they’d love a bi book. I also keep getting asked for a follow-up to Bound too though so who knows what will come first!
What advice would you give to a young author wanting to write a book in this genre?
Firstly, have a go – don’t think about what you are doing too much in the first instance, and just get pen to paper/fingers to keyboard! Worrying about whether the material will turn others on, or trying to satisfy your unknown readers’ sexual expectations will probably make your prose about as sexy as a shopping list. Write honestly about what turns you on. Authenticity is hot. Oh, and be literal (although not too clinical – we don’t want it to sound like a gynae examination – unless that’s what does it for you…) Don’t use flowery language to describe the sex act and euphemisms for genitalia.
Your three top Valentine tips to spice up our sex lives?
Talk with your lover – about the sex you have had, the sex you’d like to have, the sex you’ve never had. Do it slowly and in detail and the erotic charge will help you to generate a new sexual story. It will also allow you to ask for what you want in a sexy, non-threatening way.
Broaden your definition of sex and build up to the main event over a number of days. Consider indulging in some kind of foreplay for three days in a row but don’t have penetrative sex and don’t let yourselves orgasm. By day four you’ll be gagging for it. And if you aren’t, then you’ve learned to give and get sexual pleasure without it always ending in the missionary position.
Be your own fantasy. Too many women lose too many hours worrying about their physical imperfections. Think about what role would you play or sex act you would perform if you were perfect, and do it anyway! It’s actually easier to persuade other people that we are confident than it is ourselves – but reminding yourself that you are ‘good enough’ goes a long way.
Giveaway Alert: We have a copy of Nichi’s book ‘Bound to You’ to give away. Please enter your email below. Please note you will be added to our mailing list. A winner will be chosen on February 28, 2013. Must be a UK resident.
Nichi was talking to Annabelle King
