New mums can experience a mental breakdown due to prolonged sleep deprivation after the birth of a baby which raises an important issue that faces all new mums: how to cope with the fatigue brought on by regularly interrupted sleep. This is particularly enhanced if a woman is breastfeeding because there are no ‘nights off’.
Tiredness is probably the most common complaint I hear from new mums. This is because looking after a newborn baby has a cumulative effect – most people can manage one week of broken sleep, but babies will regularly wake during the night for up to six months (and some for significantly longer)…
How can new parents cope?
Do not compare your baby with others
Every baby is different, so bear this in mind when comparing your baby’s progress with others of a similar age. Another baby might be sleeping for three or four hours at a stretch from a very early age – this is really down to luck and temperament rather than any particular actions from the parents.
Coping with babies who wake up and cry as soon as they are put down
In the first couple of weeks, your baby is adjusting to life outside the womb. Some babies are very sensitive and need close contact (ideally skin-to-skin) with either mum or dad. This will change, as the baby grows, but after a few nights of no sleep this can be hard to remember. Here are some ideas for this very young baby:
- Keep on giving the baby the chance to sleep on his own (perhaps use swaddling, this can help) but do not worry if he just does not want to: he will eventually.
- During the day use a sling.
- At night time, consider safe bed-sharing. Look at the UNICEF guidelines on this and bear in mind that this should only be done with breast fed babies:
Ask for help
Do not struggle on, not enjoying your baby simply because you are exhausted. Talk to your partner, family and friends and be specific about the kind of help you would like. Ideas include:
- During the day–taking the baby out for a walk after a feed so the mum can get some sleep without listening out for her baby. Most babies fall asleep in a buggy or a sling, so the person taking the baby away can probably sneak in a coffee and a read of the paper, while the mum can get some good quality sleep.
- At night – the partner can take over after a feed and deal with the nappy changing, winding (if the baby needs this) and settling. If the mum can latch the baby on easily, then the feed can almost take place while asleep.
- Rest during the day. If you cannot sleep during the day, do not worry, but do put your feet up and have a proper rest during the day.
- If you can afford it, then hire a postnatal doula – doula.org.uk. Postnatal doulas are there to support the mum as she adjusts to life with her new baby, so will roll up their sleeves and take out the rubbish, do some cooking and generally help make life easier for everyone. Of course, family can also muck in and help out with these kind of household chores as well, and this is a tremendous help.
Look after a new mum
It is vital that a new mum is cherished after she has given birth. She needs good food, lots of rest and plenty of praise for how well she and her baby are doing. It is all too easy for a woman to start feeling she should be ‘back to normal’ after a couple of weeks. This is rarely the case. If she has had a traumatic birth, the recovery period will be longer (sometimes a lot longer), but usually four weeks or so is usual.
Grumpy babies
Some babies cry a lot and this is incredibly distressing for the parents. The first place is to start is with feeding – is breast feeding going OK? I would encourage parents with this kind of baby to go to a qualified (ie, NCT, ABM, IBCLC or La Leche League qualified) breastfeeding counsellor to observe a feed and check that everything is OK.
If breastfeeding is alright, then the next thing to look at is whether the birth was traumatic – if it was, then the baby could be responding to this, and cranial osteopathy sometimes really helps.
I would also encourage parents to try and re-think their baby’s behaviour – although crying can be frustrating and difficult for parents to cope with, it is not the sign of a difficult, grumpy baby, it is the sign of a baby trying to communicate and finding life overwhelming.
A good charity for support is Cry-Sis, run by parents who have experienced constantly crying babies themselves.
Adapt to survive
Although this may seem impossible in the first week of a newborn’s life, human beings can survive on very little sleep. Newborns sleep for most of the day, so parents can, in fact, get a good amount of sleep over a 24 hour period, it just will not be in a handy, eight hour block. Most parents will find that, once their baby starts sleeping for longer periods of time, that a two or three hour block of sleep will be refreshing and revitalising. Although babies can still be waking at night by six months of age, by then it is usually for a short period of time – knowing your baby’s habits makes this disturbance much, much easier to cope with.
Most couples understand that babies wake a lot during the night, but knowing this in theory and then experiencing it in real life are two very different things. Staying positive, but realistic – if you are not enjoying things, then why pretend you are? Understanding that things will improve will help most couples survive this intense period of time.
This posting was contributed by Kate Clarke, a NCT trained antenatal teacher who offers regular evening classes for pregnant women and their partners in Queen’s Park, NW6. Birth & Baby Wise also offers evening antenatal classes for women living in Hampstead, NW6. To find out more, please email her at [email protected].
