By Elaine Farrell
The party season is now well and truly underway, with the mother of them all, New Year’s Eve, just a day away. But this festive fun extracts a price: the dreaded hangover. All well and good for smug childfree folk who can lie in bed until midday and spend the afternoon watching Netflix in their pants. Not so easy for us mums. Plus, I’m pretty sure it’s a scientific fact that hangovers get worse once you’ve had children.
So what to do when you find yourself in post-party hell with one or more kids swinging from your legs, demanding to be entertained?
Yes, you could simply turn on the telly and let Peppa and her pals entertain the kids. No judgment from me. But if you find, as I do, that this trick will only buy you an hour of peace at most, you’re going to need some other options.*
* I’m assuming here, by the way, that your other half is unavailable for one reason or another, or out of action too. Otherwise, stop reading now. Get him/her on the case, and haul ass back to bed pronto.
– First things first: find the family first-aid box and fish out the Dioralyte you bought the last time your child had a vomiting bug. Make yourself one, and drink it. Repeat at regular intervals throughout the day.
– Play dead. Or at least very poorly. A good old game of Doctors and Nurses might just save the day, with the kids playing the healthcare professional, and you with a starring role as the suffering patient. Depending on the age of your children, they can bring you drinks, snacks and cold packs, or generally stroke your poor weary head. The most important rule is that they must keep quiet in the ‘hospital ward’!
– Head to the cinema. Saturday morning family cinema was made for hungover parents. You can get yourself a jumbo soda and mega bucket of popcorn, and spend a blissful couple of hours not having to speak, or do anything at all, but sit and stare at a screen, pretending you’re in your pants in front of Netflix (damn you, childfree people!).
– Crack out a new toy that you have cleverly squirreled away for just this occasion (if you haven’t done this, let this be a lesson learned, and order one now for next time!).
– Let them at your tablet or phone. Make it clear that this is a super special treat, and switch on Guided Access so they can’t accidentally call anyone to report on your hungover state. There are loads of educational apps out there for all ages, so download a few, and your kids can be practising their numbers and letters while you drink some much-needed coffee.
– If your little one still has a daytime nap—lucky you! As soon as that beautiful little head hits the pillow, jump back into bed and catch up on some zeds.
– Host a playdate. I’m sure the last thing you feel like doing is seeing even more kids, much less inviting any to your house, but hear me out. Ask an understanding mum friend and her child over for a playdate so that you have a pal to make you tea and listen to you complain, while the children entertain each other. If you don’t have a mum friend who understands a hangover, you need to put that on your to-do list for 2016.
– Steel yourself and leave the house. Grab scooters, bikes and footballs and head to the park. The fresh air will do you a world of good and the kids can burn off excess energy with minimal input from you. Don’t forget your sunnies, even in winter, and grab some coconut water (or good old-fashioned Lucozade) from the shop on the way.
– If the hangover is really bad, you may need to drop the kids off with a professional. If you didn’t know this already, several Better gyms across London offer OFSTED-registered crèche facilities. You get a two-hour session for a few pounds, or for free with some membership plans. You can drop the kids off and hit the sauna to sweat out some of the booze. Or just sit motionless in the café for a couple of hours. If you’re not yet registered, do your settling in session ASAP—then you’ll be ready to go in case of an emergency.
– Lastly, and most important of all, don’t feel guilty. The anxiety of the hangover combined with general mum guilt is enough to turn anyone into a sobbing mess. But you deserve to have fun. And your family is no worse off for it. Accept that the house is going to be a mess, and the kids may have unbrushed teeth and hair, but it’s only one day, and it just doesn’t matter. Get an early night tonight and you’ll be back in the game tomorrow!
