What if your child told you he was gay? What if she told you she felt she was born the wrong gender and wanted to change? Would you feel you could support your child? And what kind of support would he or she need?
This weekend is Pride in London, with the theme of “Freedom to”— “Freedom to be ourselves, love who we want, change society, live without fear, be an Olympic medal winner…” The celebration is for lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans people, as well as for their friends and family. But some families struggle when first learning their child is gay. Even if parents are totally accepting, other family members, friends, and the wider society may not always be.
Recognising that parents of LGBT children may have questions or fears—and that talking to people who have gone through similar experiences can be immensely helpful—a group of parents started Families Together London 14 years ago. FTL is run by parent volunteers for families of lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans people. “None of us are trained counsellors,” says Jackie Briggs, a member of the FTL steering committee. “We haven’t got any of the psychotherapy jargon—it’s very much on a personal level. We can tap into where parents are coming from.” The only London group that supports parents with gay children, FTL volunteers offer help over the phone, meet one to one, and hold informal meet-ups. Their children range in age from early teens to mid-forties.
Meetings are held every month—one in Battersea and one in King’s Cross—and are confidential, offering a safe place in which to talk. “People who come to our meet-ups can speak freely,” says Jackie. “By listening and talking in complete confidence about how we feel, we have been able to learn from one another and gain understanding.” Most of those at meet-ups are parents, but there are also grandparents, siblings and friends.
Some parents who come to meetings may come from a religious background that is homophobic; others may themselves be accepting but have concerns about how others will treat their child. “We worry about our children whether they’re gay or straight,” Jackie points out. When it comes to supporting a gay son or daughter, “talking is the most important thing,” she says. “Keep talking to them so that they have the confidence to know you’re supporting them.” School can be a major issue, as some teenagers bully those who are perceived as different. “Homophobia needs to be tackled from a very early age,” says Jackie. “We’re only at the beginning of the race, and it’s a marathon.” But, she says, we are lucky to live in a city that is diverse and sophisticated: “London offers LGBT people great opportunities in both work and play.”
One of those opportunities is this weekend, when the Pride in London celebration takes over the city’s streets. Families Together London will be walking in the Pride parade tomorrow and will also set up a stall in Trafalgar Square—a low-key opportunity to meet other parents who have been through similar experiences. “I’m very proud of my children, and they are proud of me,” Jackie says. “If I can help other parents be proud of their gay children and their kids to be proud of them, well, that’s just great.”
For more information, visit Families Together London and Pride in London.
About the author:
Elisa moved to London seven years ago from San Francisco, where, in pre-children days, she was the managing editor at Sierra magazine. She lived in Brook Green and Notting Hill before settling in Chiswick, where she lives with her book-loving daughter, train-loving son, and thickly moustachioed husband.
