Contributed by Karen Doherty:
Moving house with children is like being the lead in a one-man band. While setting the beat and keeping tune, you’ve got to play all the instruments – simultaneously – to maintain harmony.
The hard part isn’t moving more rooms full of stuff from A to B, it’s juggling the logistics. You’ve somehow got to keep everyday life going for multiple people, ensuring they’re fed, clothed, entertained and rested, and deal with their feelings, WHILE moving more rooms full of stuff from A-B.
I moved countless times before I had children and never thought much of it. Since being a parent I’ve moved once with 2 children, once with 3 children and twice with 4 children, and the stress levels increased accordingly! The more people, the more stressful moving is, the more likely someone will have a meltdown, probably you. Here are simple things any parent can do to make the family move easier.
PRACTICAL MOVING TIPS
Organise:
Take sticky notes and label everything before the move – furniture, cupboard doors, drawers, bookshelves – indicating exactly where it goes at the other end. For example, ‘Ground Floor, TV Room, toy cupboard’. Also put sticky notes on the doors in your new home labelling the rooms, so the movers know which room is which.
Pack everything your family needs for the first week separately in suitcases, including sheets, towels, clothes, toiletries and children’s special teddies. This is not only your insurance policy in case boxes go missing, it prevents things like underwear and toothbrushes being hidden away in boxes for weeks on end.
On moving day, keep a large handbag with you AT ALL TIMES. In it, put all the items you can’t afford to lose, including: car keys, keys to both properties, your mobile phone, credit cards and money, marking pens, snacks for emergency blood sugar, and a schedule of where your children are and what time to collect them.
Have you ever tried to pack or unpack anything with your children hanging onto your legs and demanding your attention? If not, don’t! Organise for your children to be elsewhere. Try to move mid-week so they’ll be in school and have them go to a friend’s house after school. The good news is that most moving companies charge less to move mid-week.
Don’t underestimate the amount of help you are going to need. On the main moving day you’re likely to be so busy taking care of endless unforeseen issues that you can’t unpack a thing. So organise help ahead of time. Either hire people (with all the money you saved by moving mid-week) or ask friends and family to help you out. Ideally you should try to unpack the kitchen and children’s bedrooms first.
- Put someone on kitchen duty. Have them line the cupboards, unload boxes and make a grocery store trip for the basics if needs be. The key is to get the kitchen up and running that first day so you’re able to get your family something for breakfast the following morning.
- Put someone else in charge of unpacking children’s bedrooms and making all the beds. Ideally their rooms will be somewhat cosy when they get there. If you have more than two children, this might take more than one person.
If you are moving a long way away, you may not be able to enough help. If this is the case, try to find old friends your children can stay with for a couple of days so you can get on with it.
HOW TO DEAL WITH FEELINGS
Know Yourself:
Just like adults, children may have any number of feelings about moving, from delighted and looking forward to it to fearful, unhappy, or even depressed. If you aren’t happy about the move, chances are your children won’t be either. But don’t try to hide your feelings. All of these feelings are normal and as parents it’s good to show children how to handle normal feelings, even if that means having a good old cry about it.
Listen:
There are also endless reasons why your children may not want to move that have nothing to do with you, and the only way to figure out what they are is by listening. One of my children was unhappy for days when I said we were moving. When I finally asked her why she was so upset about it, she said she didn’t want to leave all her things behind. So sweet! Of course I explained that we were taking all her things with us and she was much happier.
When our children are unhappy, it’s normal for us to want to cheer them up and make them feel better. We’ll say something like, “Don’t worry. You’ll make new friends.” But we can’t actually guarantee that making new friends will be easy, and at one level our children know it. When this is the case, instead of trying to make them feel better, it’s far more helpful in the long run if you simply acknowledge you understand how they feel. Moving can be a frightening thing and it will help them to feel safer and more secure. So you might try something like, “Yes. It’s hard leaving your friends behind and having to make new ones.”
Discipline:
The straw that breaks the camel’s back on moving day can be if your children start acting up. The best way to get them to cooperate is to explain everything to them beforehand. The more they know about what you are doing (changing internet providers, getting new keys cut, getting the electricity turned on) and what you expect them to do (pack their suitcase, spend the afternoon at their friend’s house, eat pizza takeaway because you’ll be too busy to cook the first couple of nights!), the smoother the entire operation will be.
Look After:
Finally, if your children are concerned about the move, remind them that you are going together and that you’ll still be there for them, and that these are by far the most important things.
Karen is launching her new website www.KarenDoherty.com in September 2012.
Until then, follow her on Facebook for a parenting tip a day.
