Managing Children’s Expectations and behaviour at Christmas
Even if you love Christmas, it can get so tiring and stressful you dream of hiring a team of elves to magically whip up all the preparations. When my four children were younger I remember being so overwhelmed with endless Nativity plays, carol concerts and Christmas parties that I’d have to remind myself to breathe!
When your children start misbehaving, being demanding or attention-seeking (which they are bound to do because you are so busy you can’t focus on them), it’s enough to turn any Saintly Santa Parent into the Grinch. But don’t worry—here are nine simple solutions to help you manage your children and their expectations during the stresses of Christmastime, and any time.
LOOK AFTER
It’s amazing how often children’s behaviour is down to how they feel: if they feel good, their behaviour is usually good; if they feel awful, their behaviour is usually awful. Unfortunately, they are more likely to feel awful at Christmas than almost any other time of year.
As it’s a special time, lots of our regular habits fly right out the window. Our children eat a lot more chocolate and treats, and go to bed much later. As it’s cold out (and we’re so busy), they might sit around all day watching television or playing computer games.
But the result is over-tired, over-sugared, under-exercised, grumped-out, demanding, annoying children. Making a little extra effort to look after children properly is one of the quickest and easiest ways to improve the way they feel and behave.
STOP AND THINK
It’s easy to get stressed at this time of year because there’s far too much to do. But when we get overwhelmed, everything goes pear-shaped. Our stress makes our families stressed, and then the magical Christmas atmosphere we’re trying so hard to create ends up with everyone on edge.
It’s much better for everyone if, instead of reacting and accidentally making things worse, we stop, stay quiet and give ourselves time to think what to do. It’s just fine to wait to discuss just about anything, and have a reasonable conversation when everyone is more rational and calm.
LISTEN
It’s a rare child that is constantly compliant. They always have their reasons behind their behaviour, and if instead of getting annoyed with them we listen, it’s like letting steam out of a pressure-cooker. Then they are actually able to calm down faster.
I’m not saying you need to agree with them, but disagreeing with them will often only aggravate them. Simply acknowledge that you’ve heard and understood them. Once you do, you’ll find they’re far more likely to be cooperative and are better able to start processing their feelings.
APPRECIATE
One of the best ways to improve the atmosphere in the house at Christmastime or anytime is to appreciate our children: to notice all the good things they do, and to try not to be critical.
When children get our attention for behaving badly, they’re likely to continue behaving badly to get our attention. It’s actually much better if we give our children attention when they behave well, so they’ll keep behaving well to get our attention. Then everyone in the house is happier.
COOPERATE
Christmas is a lot more fun if everyone chips in and does things together. Even if it seems easier and quicker to do things yourself, try to stop fussing over whether the piecrusts and Christmas cards are perfect and let your children help out with the decorating, wrapping and baking. It’s also very good for their confidence.
DISCIPLINE
Parents who are good at discipline don’t need to resort to shouting or nagging to get things done. That’s because everybody knows where they stand with them. For children this is quite comforting and reassuring, so instead of arguing for hours on end, they’re likely to do what they’re asked.
The trick is to tell everyone in advance what you want them to do. Better to tell them that you need some extra help while you’re still able to smile about it than to wait until you get that toxic desperate edge to your voice because your children and partner are sitting on their backsides watching TV while you’re racing around the house.
EXPLAIN
Lots of parents worry that their children will be disappointed if they don’t get every last item on their list. But try explaining to them in advance that you understand how badly they want something and that you wish you were able to get them everything they ever wanted, but you can’t. That way they will know what to expect and will have time to get used to the idea, and won’t be so disappointed when their friend gets that new gold-plated iPhone.
ORGANISE
Life is so much less stressful and there is much less to argue about when everyone can find things they need, like clean underwear and their shoes, scarf, coat and hat.
If you aren’t naturally organised, you might wonder if you will ever have the time to do what it takes to sort everything out. But even if it takes you six months, family life is so much better it’s worth it. You’ll find there is far less time wasted and far more time to do things like spend enjoyable time with your children.
KNOW YOURSELF
When you know yourself you are in a far better position to keep everything running smoothly at home. If you know what you need to stay sane is an hour in the park or the gym, you will schedule it in and keep your life relatively balanced.
It’s tempting to be a martyr at Christmas, but it doesn’t do anyone any good if you get past your sell-by date. If you know yourself, you’ll realise ahead of time that you’re going to feel overwhelmed. So you’ll hire help or tell your relatives who are coming for weeks on end that you need them to lend you a hand. Again, if they know what you expect before they come, they won’t mind helping out.
Try this at home and you’ll find that these simple solutions really work. They’ll help you and your family to have a very merry Christmas—and a more harmonious rest of the year.
About the Author:
California born and Notting Hill based Karen Doherty is a mother of four. She is the author of the bestselling books Seven Secrets to Successful Parenting and Sibling Rivalry – Seven Simple Solutions. Karen has lectured, appeared on radio, television and in the press throughout the UK and has inspired thousands of parents internationally to find their natural strengths and to raise confident, cooperative, motivated happier children. Learn more about Karen at www.KarenDoherty.com
